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5 Funniest Sex Toys for Couples

posted by William DeMassi

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5 Funniest Sex Toys for Couples
1. Baby Jesus Butt Plug
2. Artificial Hymen
3. Hooded Spandex Full Body Binder Sack
4. Area 51 Love Doll
5. Pig Tail Butt Plug

Sexual freethought has gone a long way since the advent of the Internet. The network of networks gave humans an unlimited amount of freedom and anonymity that opened the floodgates of the most repressed and suppressed sexual ideas and urges.

The explosion is comparable to a cumshot made by a clergyman forced to watch a marathon of sexual depravity without any way to get himself off. Before, simple sensual massagers and soda bottles had to be used to suffice the void left by the demonization of sex. Now, anything can pass as a sex toy, depending on how creative the user is. Even a baguette can pass as a Mandingo tool.

Another notable change in how society views sex toys is the fact that sex toys are not only used by men now, hetero and homo couple now enjoy these toys together too! Sex toys made for a couple’s enjoyment are some of the most weirdly design items in their market.

There are horrible toys and there are simply odd ones. Some are just plain creative that they impress even conservative people. In this article, we’ll talk about the funny and ridiculous ones. Well, anything can be funny depending on the couple’s individual humor but these pleasure devices are guaranteed to make at least one half of the couple laugh.


5. Pig Tail Butt Plug

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Oink, oink! If you want to play a scene where you want to soil on the submissive one and make her/him feel like a moral pig, well , no other can fill the need, literally. If you’re in the early 20th century, you’d think that no civilized human in his right mind will even dare design a deviant item like this.

If you browse this item, you’ll see people (although only few) actually expressing their satisfaction over this device. The pig tail butt plug is marketed to make the gimp of the team squeal like a real pig and feel a new level of humiliation.

The value

This toy is marketed for submissive males who want to have their p-spots (prostate spots) optimally stimulated while paying BDSM. Pleasure is primarily achieved by pushing the long plug into the p-spot and pulling it back to shock the anal sphincter’s nerve endings.

“ The toy easy to push in and pull out ”

The plug itself is made of a soft rubber that resembles silicone. At the same time, it is tough enough to hold its shape firmly and consistently. The rubber also made the toy easy to push in and pull out without causing unexpected pain.

This smoothness also made the plug hard to keep in. Design-wise the shape can be made narrower at the base and fatter at the head to make sure that the whole thing enters completely.

The funny

It’s funny how couples would prefer a figure of speech interpreted as literally as possible. More than superiority, the dominant half will feel comic entertainment. Did we mention that the squiggly tail is big enough to actually move with the submissive half’s body? It’s also big enough to be used to literally manhandle your partner through the butt.

If your partner has no sense of humor or hates being comically ridiculed more than anything, don’t use this. We’re all for fun and games but unwarranted actions are a big no-no. Do it only if your partner loves being called “piggy.” He/she will never forget the arousing humiliation.


4. Area 51 Love Doll

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Let’s admit it. Inflatable dolls are some of the most pitiful sex toys ever made. Its own market is the frustrated sex-starved washouts of society and virgin male teens with pimply faces.

We also have to admit that this odd simulacrum of a three-breasted extraterrestrial has a healthy market in sci-fi-obsessed sex-heads who have always dreamed of (or already had) encounters with aliens. Yes, this can even appeal to female sci-fi geeks. Would you have an alien friend as a threesome partner? This is definitely something out-of-this-world.

If ever there IS an alien like this, the authorities will probably NOT talk about this. They’ll have it for themselves. Imagine the stigma that will arise if some NASA-CIA jerks are discovered to enslave an innocent alien just because its holes look like they can accommodate phallic organs. That sounded like a nice plot for a sci-fi conspiracy movie that horny alien fan-couples can enjoy.

This purple PVC doll needs powerful lungs to blow it up. It would be great if you have a foot pump or an electric pump to blow it up for you before it blows you back. After being properly inflated, it will stand 5 feet tall. All you need is to apply some free alien lube to start. If there are puncture holes in unintended places, repair it with using the kit that comes with the doll.

The value

It’s really fun to imagine how aliens look like. Everyone is free to imagine their own ideal alien. It would be very practical if an alien visitor whould be female and have a pussy-shaped mouth, three nice tits (not for size-obsessed men), assholes for ears, and suction-cupped fingers. Would it be surprising if they are really hiding something like this in the fabled Area 51?

On a more serious note, the true value of this doll is not in its technical function, but in its identity itself. It is an alien. It just makes you imagine different scenarios with it. It’s something comparable to a tech platform, whose value is offering opportunity for more value to grow. You can think of the purple alien as a stranded extraterrestrial who uses sex to communicate with humans.

You can also treat the doll as an enslaved being in its own planet that got invaded by human space colonizers. How about a scenario where the alien gets impregnated by the husband and impregnates the wife at the same time? Sick weird? It might even be just the start. The wonders are limitless.

The alien’s mouth, ass and vagina are penetrable to a maximum depth of 5 inches, just enough for sensational stimulation. Lube up this blow-up dolls love holes and enjoy or insert a smaller male masturbator for a more flesh-like experience. Take note that the Area 51 Love Doll is not made to simulate porn-level sex.

The funny

The fact that it exists is funny enough. What’s more ridiculous is the fact that even women can enjoy this doll, though they have to be obsessed with alien sci-fi roleplay first. The doll has so many holes that it’s as if it’s made for a nerd fest gangbanging. Anyone thinks the same might be right. If you want to know if it’s possible, it’s up to you and your friends to prove yourselves right.

The manufacturing of these things offers a clue on what humans can possibly do if they have all the materials and ways to make an item that can actually simulate real human flesh and fluids.


3. Hooded Spandex Full Body Binder Sack

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This is one of the more niche-type sex toys around. It’s unknown if this even qualifies as a toy, as it can even incite fear in many individuals as a sex article.

If this appears as a gift under a Christmas tree on a holiday season, would you feel special? What if your partner gives himself as a gift to you this way?

This hooded body bag is not for people who are allergic to spandex.

The value

This hooded spandex full-body binder sack is said to be very comfy that you can spend your night in it. This has to be the creepiest sleeping bag to have.

“ Instill claustro-fear in him/her ”

To anyone who has the slightest chance of mistaking it for a real sleeping bag, know that this is actually a bondage “toy.” It’s supposed to restrain a submissive partner and instill claustro-fear in him/her.

It would’ve been less creepy if it’s straight up dark and brutal, but it’s neon and the design is so simple. It just takes the shape of the human inside. Simple as that. What if you enter the house and see this on the sofa? You’d really run away. You’d think that some government agency is playing mind games with you.

The funny

You won’t even know if this item is seriously for BDSM use or for pranking. Normally, people need an obvious signal that you’re up for some domination-submission activity but this can actually pass as a bag for for formal wear.


2. Artificial Hymen

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The artificial hymen is created for women who hide the fact that they got their vaginal virginity conquered by some lucky bastard, hoping that they can make their future husbands feel better about themselves.

That would work for sexually conservative cultures, but in a more liberal setting, this product is just used to feed the dirty imagination and fantasies of some guys who are secretly obsessed with the thought of being the first. They are also used by women who want to replay their first time and imagine the thought of being shamed and disowned by her loved ones as a whore, plus the thought of eventually ending up as a whore after being refused by every man for marriage due to being “impure.”

Sounds complicated? Yes. But the use of this item is not. It’s unknown of there really are men and women who think like that but this is beyond our topic.

The value

To use this hymen, insert the red translucent film inside the vagina no longer than 20 minutes before the intercourse. Once a penis penetrates the vagina the fake hymen will bust and leaks a substance that looks like blood. Imagine popping a sachet of ketchup. Combined with superb acting skills, this can be a great valuable toy to satisfy both man and woman.

If this really does work for women, this can actually be a cheap alternative for hymenoplasty. Ridiculously huge expenses won’t be necessary at all!

This product might be the most accepted toy in countries sitting on cultural extremes. This can help women by protecting their lives from judgmental people who apparently have the right to hurt women who lost their maidenhead before marriage and who are, most of the time, the same men who are obsessed in taking women’s virginity forcefully before they get married. This product also found a market in East Asian freak pornography, as well as Southeast Asian prostitution industry.

If there’s any real use for this item to couples, it’s how it provides an outlet for a couple to release their frustrations towards bigoted organized religious groups. Like the alien doll, you can form different sexual scenarios involving this iconoclastic item.

The funny

The item itself is not that convincing (may even look gross) but humans become more imaginative and less grossed out whenever they’re in the peak of their sexual arousal. Also, would this item work if you inserted it inside the ass? How does an anal hymen appeal to people? It will surely simulate bleeding, but the bleeding will be for different reasons.

But seriously, you can’t bring back virginity. Vaginal virginity is more than the bleeding of a piece of flesh. Not at all. You can include the involuntary tightness with that so that it’ll be legitimate. Just kidding.


1. Baby Jesus Butt Plug

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In the eyes of traditional Christians, this has to be the worst of the worst. Obviously, this device is manufactured to be something that can be marketed sensationally.

Maybe the manufacturers would want to gain sales from anti-Christian people after causing a huge uproar in Christianity-dominated countries. They might also have a deeper motive in manufacturing this embodiment of Christian sacrilege and blasphemy.

The value

In Christian theology, Jesus is the son of God, the Light of the World, and the Prince of Peace. The manufacturers want this device to live up to the “Prince of Peace” epithet by ensuring that it will be the best pacifier to appease people’s sexual frustrations.

This device is pretty cost-efficient and environment-friendly. It does not come with anything but a Holy Communion cloth, not even a box. The body is made of a silicone-like substance (just like any other dildo) and the face of the baby Jesus has chubby cheeks and rounded forehead.

“ You will need a healthy amount of lube ”

You will need a healthy amount of lube to insert this and it gets lubed generously, it will go in smoothly. The irregular bumps do not feel off at all. They work like indicators that tell you when you’re inserting it too far.

The funny

Other than the label, the dildo is just a baby-shaped toy. As far as reviews are concerned, nothing indicated that this toy performed miracles like restoring virginity (see artificial hymen above), increasing penis size, or curing impotence. If there’s anything funny about it, it’s how sometimes looks like a creepy monster baby.

A funny thing about the essence of this item is it might be trying to represent an idea, which may be the quote about religion and penises. It says that it’s fine to have a religion and be proud of having one, but it’s totally unethical to whip it out in public, wave it around, and shove it down children’s throats.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

William DeMassi (see all articles)

Born in Italy, raised in USA - knowledgeable in various topics. Out of all of my passions, writing is the biggest one and the one I dedicate most of my time to. Other interests include: movies, singing and dressing with elegance.

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